Your Weird Time-Traveling Boyfriend: A Series

Things I learn from films: virtually all time travelers are fellas, and most of them want to “make it right”
with a woman, without telling her there was universe-altering involved because eh. DUDES STOP


– Gil Pender, Midnight in Paris
Gil Pender, Midnight in Paris

“I’m cheating on you with Ernest Hemingway. But only
in this time period; tomorrow I’m cheating on you with Lea Seydoux. I’m a novelist
but I can’t manage an explanation of time travel to anyone. BLOORGGG WHY CAN’T I ARTICULATE?”

– Sean Fentress, Source Code
“If you had seconds to live, you’d kiss me, right? I hope yes because I’m kissing you now. Not because we’re about to die, even though we are. I’m NOT undermining your agency, the time loop is.
Wait, we didn’t die. Shit.”
– Jack Starks, The Jacket
“Just gonna loiter here by this diner until you invite me to
stay with you…don’t be scared, we actually know each other. It was a long time
ago. Remember? We both knew there was a spark but you were a child. Then I
died sometime in the future. What? I didn’t make
things complicated, you did.”
– Joe who won’t tell you his last name, Looper
“This older me is coming for your son, which isn’t abusive because he’s not me, he’s who I once was, shut up! Btw the loop being open doesn’t make this any less of a one-night
stand. And it’s cool that older me is Bruce Willis and I’m going to
take credit for that.”
– David Herdeg, The Philadelphia Experiment
“Cancel your plans, I just stole your car from the diner!” (Side note: what is with time traveling dudes and diners? You worked so hard to get here and now your first destination is Denny’s? Stop coming here! You have nothing to gain.)
– James Cole, 12 Monkeys
“yeah i kno it was messed up when he took you hostage in your carill just knock u out and put u in the trunk so u don’t

– Marty McFly, Back to the Future Part II
“Fine, you can get in the car…just stay in the car. The future isn’t for
ladies’ eyes. Be mad if you want to be mad; Doc just roofied you anyway so why are
we still talking about this?”

– Jean-Luc Picard, Star Trek: First Contact


“You can’t have me.”